Jazzy Contemplations

So I do jazz now! It’s definitely a work in progress, but my first semester of jazz piano lessons has proved to be very exciting thus far. I just had my “debut” as you could call it—my first time improvising in front of people who aren’t my jazz piano prof. A bit terrifying, yet in a way, exhilarating. My brain definitely went into sensory overload, but it was fine time to rip the bandaid off and I’m proud of myself!

It took me a while, but there was a moment where I actually felt like I knew what I was doing, and it was magical. I had briefly found the delicate balance between logic and instinct. It’s a tricky place to find.

It’s pretty cool to listen to people who have mastered the balance—I get to hear some pretty talented people play every week at jazz night. These people are experts of creating in the moment. I have a lot to learn, but I’ll get there eventually!

The process of creating is a beautiful cycle. Expressing yourself through a certain medium and forming a work no one has seen or heard before. Sometimes I create to vent. Sometimes I create for fun. Sometimes I create for growth, for my profession. Sometimes I create to process. Sometimes I create to share something I’m passionate about.

I’m creating and writing this right now as an attempt to refocus, to remember why I’m here and doing what I’m doing. Lately I’ve been overwhelmed by standards and deadlines and expectations. I’ve been tempted to slip back into old habits of overworking myself, of diminishing my worth when I fail to be perfect.

But art isn’t meant to be perfect, it’s meant to be real. And nothing real is perfect.

Most of my inner struggles are due to the environment I find myself in. It seems that all of the tasks I must complete for my degree are designed to develop myself as a performer. Both musically and academically. I’m not encouraged to create my own works, my own perspectives. There’s just “not enough time.”

The world of music is so wide, and I know I’ve barely scratched the surface. I feel like I’m painting a canvas, but the only paints I’ve been given to work with are neutral, bland colors. They’re beautiful in their own right, but there’s so much more out there. I don’t know much about the science behind color, but I bet there are literally an infinite amount of colors out there. I want to be able to offer my students access to this infinite range of colors, but I won’t be able to if I don’t have access to this palate myself.

So, I’ve been asking myself, “Why is music important to me?” I do music, and I always have, for my enjoyment. Because I love the feeling of music vibrating around me. Because I have a longing to explore the world of harmonies. Because I feel a call to create creatively.

My purpose as a musician is to create, share these creations, and inspire others to do the same. It’s a main reason why I decided to try out jazz piano lessons! Recently jazz artist Ryan Keberly visited BG, and I was able to hear him perform and listen to him talk about improvisation. His improv talk kind of changed my whole perception of jazz—something finally clicked in my head.

He discussed the importance of thinking ahead while improvising… Which makes sense, but the more you think about it, the wilder it gets. Thinking ahead to something that doesn’t exist yet, as you are improvising in the moment… The notion just couldn’t get through to my classically-trained brain. The only way I was able to understand was by listening to him play and watching the improvisation play out.

It’s crazy enough to go through the process of improvisation by yourself, let alone with others. Just think about that—collectively as a group thinking ahead to what doesn’t exist yet. If that’s not magic, I don’t know what is. And as a listener you can see and feel the energy of the music forming and developing all around you. Is this not music at its pinnacle?

But I must say, we all hear music differently. We hear based on our experiences and perceptions. This is also true to the students who will one day be in my music classroom. They will all hear music differently, and feel inclined to engage with music in different ways.

So not only must I ask myself of the importance of music in my life, but I must ask, “Why is music important to my students?” And how will I incorporate those “why’s” into my classroom?

As a music educator, how can I value tradition and simultaneously be developing new practices? So I can feed into the development of music in culture? So that my students learn how to express themselves creatively through music? So that I celebrate creativity and ingenuity in a way that other classes simply cannot? So that music becomes a necessary facet of a child’s education, rather than an elective class or an extracurricular? So that I can finally call my classes “curricular?”

But ultimately, all that matters is that I expose my ears and mind to be able to explore music in new ways so that my classroom is a place where all young musicians can thrive.

Keep on creating creatively,

- Maggie