The Concerto

Maggie the pianist has been years in the making. Some might say she got a late start, or that she doesn’t have the background, but yet she kept playing. Music has always held a special place in her heart. It’s how she expresses herself, how she engages with culture, and how she emotes. And through this concerto, she finally got a taste of what her relationship with music has grown to be...

I felt like like being anecdotal, and like writing in third person, so there we go! I recently experienced an incredibly special, magical moment through music when I performed for the CMA’s concerto competition. With none other than Rautavaara 1. “The concerto.” Or “that crazy piece” as referred to by my non-musical family and friends. Or “that *motions arm slamming into piano* piece” by those who really know what’s up.

This piece challenged me dynamically (I’ve never played that loud, as the skin peeling away from the back of my nails can attest for), physically (see cluster chords, also the numerous hand and arm injuries I barely kept at bay), and emotionally. Emotionally because this piece has become so closely tied to my life—its passions, its pains, its grievances.

I’ve never had a piece so deeply resonate with who I am in my innermost being. For those of you that witnessed the performance, that was ME! The peel-back-the-layers-to-the-middle-of-an-onion-and-tears-are-steaming-down-your-face ME. My professor has always told me that we are who we truly are on stage, and I really didn’t understand what that meant until I experienced it.

When describing what this piece feels like to play, I say that it feels like going through an entire semester in ten minutes. The highs, lows, and everything in-between. It’s physically and emotionally taxing. I live for the moments where the texture thins. In the midst of the passionate chaos are these spaces where time seemingly stands still. I experienced a few of those moments last semester, and sitting in that musical stasis is a way for me to unload and decompress. And it’s also a time to breathe before jumping back into the crazy, physically taxing parts of the piece.

And this adventure shall continue for a little while longer… Because I’m playing this piece with an orchestra!! I’m so excited to share this music even more people, and I feel honored to make manifest this music with a whole ensemble of musicians. It will be extra special because I’ll be creating and sharing with my community—the community I have been walking alongside during this incredibly formative stage of my life.

As the performance draws nearer, I find myself in an interesting headspace. I’m so beyond excited, but I also feel extremely overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed physically with busyness and physical strain, overwhelmed mentally because I’m still processing this reality I find myself in, and overwhelmed emotionally in ways I can’t put to words.

This piece sounds like grief to me. It’s so powerful, so strong, so emotional, so raw—just like thinking of grief as a profound expression of love. Playing this piece allowed me to express that deep emotional state without speaking a single word.

When I played in the final round of the competition, I played for Katrina. Our beloved friend and colleague.

It still hurts. And though anticipation and nerves have been trying to push the hurt away, I need to keep pressing in. Because this piece is nothing without love.

And so I’ll play for her again. But this time, I’ll have a whole ensemble of friends playing with me.

February 12th @ 8:00 pm in Kobacker.

Together—creating creatively,

- Maggie