To Be An Amateur

The further removed you are from childhood, the further removed you are from what it feels like to be an amateur. As you grow up and try to figure out what to do with your life, most of us hone in on a particular skill or trade, and then we work to become professionals in our fields.

As an educator, I will be spending the rest of my life as a professional in a room full of amateurs. So isn’t it important to remember what it feels like to live in the space of an amateur?

The air at a university is one of professionalism. And understandably so, but sometimes I feel my creativity and longing to explore new ideas being suffocated. Going into the fall semester, I knew I needed to find some way to keep my creativity alive, and jazz was the perfect answer. I decided rather spontaneously to enroll in jazz piano lessons a few days into the semester, and thus began my journey into the world of jazz!

Everything in this new world of making music was extremely out of my comfort zone, coming from the background of a classical pianist who was used to 1. having every note written out 2. playing the exact same thing every time and 3. playing by herself. Jazz broke all of those comforts pretty quickly! Immersion seemed the best way for me to develop the baseline skills, so my Spotify was taken over by jazz, I found myself at Arlyn’s for jazz night every Wednesday evening, and I met the jazz guys.

Meeting new people also pushed me out of my comfort zone, as someone who has regressed socially throughout the happenings of the past couple of years. I spent several weeks at jazz night without speaking a word to ANYONE. I was the random girl no one really knew and who definitely stood out since I was usually the only woman music major in the room, and I always came in looking nice because of my “teacher clothes.”

So I finally introduced myself to a couple of them, (a slightly awkward “hey, can I join your conversation?” thank goodness they said yes) and that initiative began the gradual process of joining the brotherhood that is the BGSU jazz area.

And I found myself in a world where I had no idea what I was doing, surrounded by people who did. I found myself an amateur, a notion I haven’t lived out in quite a while. Though I found myself exceedingly frustrated, stepping into this world was so refreshing.

For once in my life I was the least proficient person in the room. But instead of being crushed by the weight of it all, I embraced the challenge and set out to grow. And grow I did! Engaging in the language of jazz has affected every area of my musicking and teaching. Here are a few of my takeaways:

#1: You HAVE to listen. Actively. Collaboratively. Creatively. It’s a type of listening that is paramount in the art of music, but is easily kicked to the curb when focused solely on “getting through” a piece and/or getting your head stuck in technique. Listening is what gives music life and sustenance. The importance of listening transcends music—it’s what allows us to understand each other.

#2: Creativity in the here and now. Hype up creativity all you want, but if you don’t actively engage in being creative, what good is it? If I’m not creative, I won’t be able to foster creativity in my students. Jazz has reminded me of the importance of seeking creativity. Being creative enlivens and refreshes me.

#3: There is so much value in being “amateur” at something. It means growth is inevitable! It beckons forth new perspectives and new community.

Oftentimes amateurism is simply viewed as a path to professionalism. This is a notion I see reflected in music education. This perspective has value, but in light of what I want to share with my students, I find myself favoring amateurism. I want to focus on the expressive, creative elements of music rather than just the performing aspects. I want ALL students to be able to engage in music regardless of if they want to pursue music on a professional level.

Amateurism is a thought I’ve been wrestling with for nearly a year now. For deeper reading, I recommend "a return to amateurism in music education" by John Kratus.

As you can see, jazz has been a game-changer for me. I was surprised to find that jazz is helping me find balances in my life—from fighting my unhealthy perfectionist tendencies to learning to routinely step back from the crazy classical music world (and thus avoiding burnout on both counts).

To be an amateur. It’s a blessing. A breath of fresh air. A headspace to be nurtured and valued. Professionalism and amateurism are not mutually exclusive. Remember that. (A note to myself as much as all of you)

And keep creating creatively,

- Maggie